I thought this photo of Ben and Ty cheering at Jacks Flag Football game last Friday was appropriate. Today I had a little unexpected “hallelulah!” moment. Seriously I felt so grateful and it was for such a silly thing. Boys come with the distinct advantage of being able to pee anyplace without it being too much of a hassle, or so I thought. Ben just figured out Potty Training a couple months ago and the first time we went to a park where the bathroom was locked we had some issues. He couldn’t pee standing up- he tried- WE tried about 5 times. I tried to help him sit, stand, anything we could think of but for some reason the pee just wouldn’t come. So every 5 minutes he would run over “I need go PEE!!” Finally he came back over and he was just wet. The pee had come. Since what he was wearing camouflaged it- we stayed at the park. (I know, that says a lot about me.)

Today after picking Ben up I decided to stop at the park for a minute, Ty has been home sick and I thought it would be nice for him to get a little fresh air and away from a TV screen. You can see from the photo he wasn’t feeling that great (he’s showing his package of tissues) and had no shoes. But don’t worry, I gave him mine. (Good Photo Bomb Ben!)

After being at the park for a little bit Ty said he needed to “go” so we went over to the far side of the park because there were no bathrooms and also no people anywhere.

(Does that justify peeing outdoors? Jonathan would say no. I used to always let Scott and Jack pee behind the palm tree in our yard when they were little until one day at a soccer game we saw the opposing side laughing and motioning towards something behind us- I turned and there was Scotty bare butt peeing in the field behind us.)

ANYway, Ben said he needed to pee too and when I saw my two little boys with their little rainbow arches of pee I felt so grateful! It kind of made me want to cry. Something so stressful all of a sudden wasn’t, and they were just two brothers peeing in the bushes. (I know its silly!)

Tonight as I was dishing up dinner, cleaning up dinner, and thinking though the cake I had to get built, the dough I had just started for cinnamon rolls, the FHE lesson I was trying to get Scott to give (a day late), wanting to get Ben and Ty in bed ASAP because Ty is sick and Ben may be coming down with it meaning all night suctioning the last two nights and oh yah, Jonathan is still out of town….I literally felt the kitchen spin and my heart started pumping. It was de ja vu back to when I had my first panic attack a year and a half ago.

I put everything in the fridge, we had the FHE lesson on honesty (good job Scotty!) And now I am up on my bed listening to Ben and Ty sleep. My heart is still racing but thankfully I recognize it for what it is. Of course I find myself listing all the things that I did wrong that may have caused this- but really, I’m going to stop. Today was a good day. It may have ended on a rough note but I can still see so much to be grateful for and I don’t think its coincidence. I think our little Prayer Chart has made a huge difference. Heavenly Father doesn’t magically make my life easier when I ask for His help, but He helps me feel more capable to handle it.

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