I’m still standing! (Thanks President Monson….)

Watching this message last October I was so touched.  I looked up from the scout patch I was sewing onto Jacks shirt and I was shocked. The speaker  had gone from standing up straight, to totally leaning over the podium and obviously working very hard to hold himself up as he delivered the last portion of his message.  I was mesmerized and realized I was holding my breath with my heart in my throat.

I’ve watched and re-watched that message many times since that day. It was such an example of someone serving literally with all his might, mind and strength. Nothing was going to stop him from delivering what he was meant to share.

He was obviously tired, his body was worn out, but he was not weary. I started examining myself because feeling exhausted is the bane of my existence and I have felt SO tired, and so worn down by things I have chosen or that life has brought. But his example made me look at my situation in a new light and I realized that tired as I get, I am NOT weary of doing what I need to do for my family and loved ones. In fact I find so much happiness in it.

I know tired and weary can mean the same thing- but in my mind, in this situation, I thought of tired as “exhausted, worn out, fatigued, ready to drop, bone-tired….”  and weary as “impatient or dissatisfied, fed up with, bored with/by, tired of…” 

He was exhausted, but he was not “tired of” delivering his message about following the example of the Savior. His desire to lift us and help us find greater meaning in our lives and in our trials was greater than the frailty of his body.  I could feel his devotion and love as he struggled to finish.

President Monson you finished your talk on your feet, and every time I think about you I remember I’m still standing too, no matter how shaky I feel at times. Thanks for reminding me of how blessed I am and that my life is a labor of love! My most chaotic but happiest moments are when all my “work products” are around me.

            

Ben and Ty on the first day of school- SO EXCITED! That’s Tys biggest smile and Ben is wearing a name tag Natalie made him because he kept wondering “how everybody going know my name??” Then there is Natalie with a watermelon from the garden we planted and worked on together. (We picked the watermelon too soon! Waah!) And Ty with his cookbook before church “helping” me make some pumpkin muffins. Maybe he will be the next baker in the family.

I wish I would remember to just pick one random day and count how many times the kids said “Mom” (mom, mom, mom, mom!) Which on the one hand I love– but on the other hand, sometimes I can’t hear myself think and all I want is 5 minutes alone. Even in the bathroom please, but being the magnet that I am the moment I close the door I hear the kids radar going off “where’s mom???” And for a boy with low muscle tone Ben has a REALLY strong knock :).

   

These people need and want me around (yes I slept in the middle there, and Jack is the kid with 3 games a week) and I am so in love with them and over the top grateful to have them in my life.  But the reality is there aren’t enough hours in the day, I try to do too much, I get discouraged, frustrated and overwhelmed and I am still struggling with anxiety. Still, I don’t want out!!! And especially I don’t want to miss the part of my days that are filled with sweetness which is why I am trying to really differentiate between TIRED and WEARY.

For some reason it gives me a different perspective of my situation. Tired schmired! Tired is I need a nap. But weary feels more like life is hard.

How can I think life is hard when my 16 year old sends me a snapchat like this??

And then I find this awesome selfie on my phone……..

President Monson you may be tired but I know you are not weary of doing what you were put on this earth to do- thank you for the EXAMPLE, thank you for the message and thank you for reminding me that even when I am tired I am so blessed!

XOXOXO