It’s been almost 8 years since a whirlwind hit our family. I wont call it a tornado, because this particular wind wasn’t destructive, it just lifted us up off the road we thought we thought we were taking. 8 years is a long time. Scott was only 7 years old eight years ago- for some reason that makes me cry! How much did I miss? How did they get so big so fast?
Almost exactly a year ago I started having anxiety- my first panic attack seemed to come out of NOWHERE since things seemed to finally be settling down. But as I look back over this past year it feels like the anxiety was almost a sort of wake up call. The whirlwind we were living seemed to have made time speed up and go by in a strange blur so I never stopped to process everything that our family was experiencing. And some of it I just wanted to bury and not really think about or analyze but for some reason my heart seems to need to do that now.
About 6 months ago my sister Sarah suggested that I put some sort of history or record down on paper and the idea really resonated with me. I started out with a cake blog a year ago but started finding that not only was it therapeutic to write about my real life, but it also has helped me start to really see and appreciate all the ways we have been blessed by these challenges.
In 2007 a dear friend made me a book of hopeful quotes to read during our days in the NICU (I am going to start sharing those quotes here!) and this one struck me. It has been on my fridge for every one of the past 8 years.
“Something to Do, Someone to Love, and Something to Hope for are the essentials of a happy and meaningful life.” ~David Goodman
I guess it is my unintentional motto. If I had intentionally picked one it may have been more like “keep calm and eat a cupcake while you watch a good show.” Every time I thought maybe I would switch the quote out I just couldn’t. I needed to look at it because that was exactly what I had:
Something to Do – new, hard, scary, out of my comfort and knowledge zone, and then lots of cakes to make
Someone to Love– sweet baby Ben and the rest of my little family
Something to HOPE for– that Ben- and then Ty- would live, grow stronger, that my other kids would be ok, that my husband and I could figure out our new family, that my faith was really up to the task…. the list goes on…..and on….
Along the way I became a crazy cake maker, baking has been my way to escape! (My cakes and decorating tips can be found here at Little Delights Cakes.) But mostly I’m a Mom/Wife just trying balance it all out and usually not succeeding. If you are reading this maybe in someway my struggles, weaknesses and occasional something done right can help you feel less alone too. At least you’ll feel way better about your life after reading about mine- or just learn how to make some really good frosting ;). (All my favorite recipes for things NOT cake can be found here as well.)